


Ephemeral

by Riyusama



Category: Love Live! School Idol Project
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Arranged Marriage, F/F, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-03
Updated: 2016-08-03
Packaged: 2018-07-29 02:47:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7667305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Riyusama/pseuds/Riyusama
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Ne, Honoka. Do you still love me? Because I do. I love you. I love you so much. There’s nobody in the world I would ever love more than, you. Do you still think about me? Because I do. I think about you in every waking moment and second of the day. Have you already moved on from me? Because I haven’t. And I know, I’ll never do.” </p><p>PS: Happy birthday to my best girl Honoka <3</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ephemeral

**Author's Note:**

> WOOOHOOOOO!!!
> 
> Happy birthday to my best girl ever Honoka <3 you may not always be everyone's favourite and people may just push you aside as a side character but, you'll always be in my heart <3
> 
> I love you so much, happy birthday <3
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy OuO Also, this isn't proofread since I whipped this up quickly in my class break earlier and like bruh, I can't believe I finished it so quickly! Ahhh, true love ~

It was her smile that got me

Her laugh that enlightened me.

I sometimes find myself wondering _‘What did I ever do to deserve you in my life?’._ She’s headstrong and bright. Quite a klutz and scatter brain that at times you can’t help but, feel infuriated at her. Yet, she never fails to be so kind, so caring, so gentle. Sometimes, even just a touch from her makes me tremble. Those little fleeting moments wherein just a quick caress from her fingers sends an electrifying tremble to run down my spine.

And for how many years had I hid it from her?

But, since when had my feelings for her ever bloomed into this?

Childhood bestfriends is what we are, for her I’m a precious friend. Everything always ends with a friend does it? Since when did I ever long for her this way? Had it only been recently when I wanted for her lips to touch mine? Or younger when we were in middle school wherein I wanted to hold her hands and see her smile every single day? Maybe, it was even when we were kids when I never wanted to leave her side.

Had I been in love longer than, I could recall?

Or had I loved her long before we even met or came into existence?

Yet, do you know what the happiest moment in my life was? It was even better when he had met in our younger years. Even better when you had said right there and then that, we should be friends.

It was when you said those three little words to me.

But had you meant it the way I felt for you? Did you reciprocate my feelings? Or was it in the way of bestfriends again?

There it was again, the dreaded word _friend._

Don’t get me wrong though, I love being your friend. I would do everything in my powers to stay by your side. Everything but... I’m afraid.

Ah, did you expect that? I know I can be shy and sometimes, I can’t even be true to my own feelings. No, scratch that--most of the time I’m not true to my feelings. I’ve loved you for so long yet, I never had the courage to say it. I was afraid that you would leave me. And if you left, how can I ever live?

But as always, you were the light of my life. You pulled me out of this darkness that I surrounded myself in and brought me to redemption.

When you said those three precious words that were sealed with a kiss.

Did you know how happy I was? You loved me. You felt the same.

That night in the same day, we were held in each other’s arms at my room. I love you, I love you so much.

And so now, I feel like the worse of the worse. I’m horrible and sometimes I wish. You had never met me.

“Umi-chan.” You call out to me weakly, voice wavering. Tears are streaming down your cheeks and it breaks my heart.

It breaks my heart to break yours.

Butt, I’m afraid. Afraid of the world and what they might say. But, most of all I’m afraid of what the world may do if they ever found out of our forbidden love.

“Umi-chan, please say it’s not true.” You plead to me, you took a hold of my hand as you kept it in between yours. You’re crying uncontrollably now, you couldn’t even form your words properly. You take my hand to your cheek, and I let my hand cup it because I can’t stand not touching you.

I still can’t stand not having you in my arms.

“Don’t leave me. You love me right? Please say you do. I love you so much.” You make me want to melt, make want to take back everything that I saw and apologize. I want to hold you, kiss you and tell you that everything’s gonna be okay.

But, I’m not as strong as you.

“I don’t. After graduation my parents are marrying me off to our family friend’s son. I never met him before but, I love him more than, you.” I lie. God, what would I give just to take back every single hurtful word I said to you and take them as my own pain?

What would I give just so you wouldn’t hurt anymore?

“We should stop this now.” I say in the scolding way I always do when with you. I pull my hand away from your cheek, missing the heat and comfort you provided for that short amount of time. “This isn’t right. You shouldn’t feel this way. I’ve long been over this silly phase. You should be too.”

“You’re lying.” You say the truth. And I wish I could.

I really wish I could just so you’d stop hurting.

But, I can’t.

Because I’m afraid and weak.

“Honoka, stop acting so spoiled.” I say as I turn around. I can’t stand to see you so hurt. I can’t stand and watch knowing that I am the reason as to why you’re crying. “I have to go now, my parents and fiance are waiting for me.”

I hear you fall down on your knees; the crash was loud and I’m sure you may have scraped your legs. I wish I could turn back time and hold you once again. So I could redo everything in this day, we wouldn’t come to this rooftop where lots of memories from Muse case, not tell you all of these horrible lies that broke you.

I wish we just went about on our normal routine, going home with Kotori. And I take you home, pull you to the side because I need to kiss you. I need to feel your lips against mine because, I’m afraid that if I kiss you good-bye at your front door your parents might see and they’ll know.

I’m afraid of showing to the world how much I love you.

I’m afraid of their judgemental gazes, their hurtful words, their hateful opinions.

All that should mean nothing but, scares me.

I head home first, leaving you at school because I can’t bear to see what I’ve done. I can’t bear to know that I’ve wronged you this way.

When I get married, will I forget? Will you forget? Will everything that we spent together be a blur of the past? I still hope that we won’t, I hope with all my might and wish that everything would return to the way it was.

To thee way we were before all of this.

After so many years, I’ll still be asking the same question.

“Ne, Honoka. Do you still love me? Because I do. I love you. I love you so much. There’s nobody in the world I would ever love more than, you. Do you still think about me? Because I do. I think about you in every waking moment and second of the day. Have you already moved on from me? Because I haven’t. And I know, I’ll never do.”


End file.
